Day Fourteen - Where is The Love?

Today I decided to look for love in the unusual and strange places it hides at times.  I'm not talking about the 'butterfly, heart pounding out of your chest, silly gaga' kind of love.  I'm talking about the unexpected and spontaneous love that is innate in all of us {I believe}, even when we think that nobody gives a damn about anyone anymore.  I searched for the unconditional, transcendental love that we are all capable of but seem to forget that we possess the ability.

First, I saw love in church yesterday when a husband reached over and took his crying baby from his wife and quickly walked out of the mass so as not to disturb anyone.  True, you may say that is normal and that is what he should have done, but what I witnessed was something much deeper.  He gently put his hand on her lower back and as she turned to him, the intimate look in his eyes and the devoted smile on his lips said more than words could ever express.  His eyes said, "you are so stressed my darling, let me take the baby so you can pray."  And her lovely glance back at him as she handed over the baby spoke volumes of relief, gratitude and safety in the knowledge that someone had her back.  Again, as I usually do, I felt I had intruded on a very private moment, but I am so glad I saw it.  That was love.

Next, I watched what appeared to be a patient granddaughter helping her elderly grandparents out of the car and into the frozen yogurt shop where I sat enjoying my Sunday afternoon treat!  As most of us know, it takes enormous patience to go through all of the steps necessary to help an elderly person--much like caring for a young baby or toddler.  I watched her as she aided in getting the walker out of the trunk for her grandmother and gave her a gentle boost to get her out of the car safely.  She kindly and graciously listened to her grandfather direct her through the task.  It was apparent that he was hard of hearing and while most of us would be annoyed or embarrassed by the loud discussion--she was the opposite.  Tolerant, unflappable, and gracious.  I had so much admiration for her and it made me long for my own grandparents who both passed away in the last 24 months.  Not once through the whole process did this young woman ever show signs of weariness or distress.  Once in the yogurt shop, she did everything for them as they chose their flavors and toppings and even choosing a seat was a tedious ordeal, but she never lost her smile or gentle tone.  I realized at that moment that this was not a chore for her.  This was unconditional, genuine love for these two people and she was truly happy to do it.  As they enjoyed their yogurt and the beautiful day, I saw love again.

Random act of kindness for someone else?  Not really.  I think I did something kind for myself today.  I made myself remember that people do have goodness and merit and from this day on, that is the truth I will seek from others.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
~ Mother Teresa 

Day Thirteen - Can I buy you Lunch?

Today I met a friend for lunch at a popular local spot and whenever I go there, I can't help but feel like I'm supporting the neighborhood and I enjoy the atmosphere and sense of community.  This afternoon as I munched on my BLT and chatted with my girlfriend, I noticed a lovely older couple across the dining room.  What struck me the most about them was the fact that they gazed at each other as they ate and they held hands across the table.  I couldn't help staring and I felt like I was intruding on a very private and intimate moment.  Their love for each other was evident and seeing their twinkling eyes filled my heart with joy.  They really made me happy and I thought, "every couple should look like that."  So I did something a little impulsive--when our check came, I asked the waitress to please include that couple's check with mine and don't tell them I paid for their lunch.  She seemed uncomfortable and I could understand why, but I really wanted to do this random and unexpected thing for the couple.  I told her when the couple asked for the check, just tell them that someone who they gave hope to bought their lunch!  I quickly gathered my things and left the restaurant before I was discovered.  Their lunch cost me about $10, but that was nothing compared to what they had given me.  All afternoon I wondered what their reaction was when they found out.  They may have been freaked out--I hope not.  I hope they were surprised and perhaps one day they will pay it forward!

"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier."

~ Mother Theresa 

Day Twelve - I Say a Little Prayer For You

  How many times in our lives does someone ask us to say a prayer for them?  How many times have you heard of someone's misfortune or an illness and sincerely said, "I'll pray for you?"  Did you really say a prayer?  Did you remember them when the moment passed and you had some quiet time to lift them up in prayer?  I know I am guilty of giving lip service to this very same promise.  My intentions are good at the time, but then it slips my mind and I forget to pray.  But what if YOU were the one who needed the prayer?  Would you want that person to forget to pray for you?  Today I decided to take it a step further and pray for someone I didn't know!  My ARK went to a complete stranger!  Today I heard of a tragic incident at my daughter's college--a young man committed suicide.  All day this news has weighed heavy on my heart; perhaps because it hits really close to home for any parent.  Then I was struck with a sudden and strong urge to pray for his parents.  I don't even know them, but I prayed that our Lord will have mercy on this family and help them to bear the unbearable.  I prayed that they will not spend the rest of their lives agonizing over the question that must be running through their minds, "Was there something we could have done differently." I prayed that somehow in His infinite wisdom, our Lord will comfort them and carry this family as it passes  through the storm.  I was comforted after I prayed and I hope that my prayers will somehow comfort them as well.
     I made a commitment to continue praying for others.  Not just my family and friends, but also for complete strangers:  the beggar on the street corner, the frustrated teacher at school, the isolated child in the lunchroom, the lady who looks so sad all the time in the grocery store.  Maybe one day I'll find that my tiny prayers made a difference to someone.  Maybe people will pray for me, God knows I could use them.  So the next time someone tells you about their gallbladder surgery and asks you to pray for them--do it!  Stop everything at that instant and take a moment to pray.  You have nothing to lose and they have everything to gain!

     "Little things are indeed little, but to be faithful in little things is a great thing."  ~ Mother Teresa

Day Eleven - Be Annoyingly Pleasant!

     This evening I had to make the dreaded trip to the grocery store--one of my least favorite things to do.  There is nothing about the grocery store that I like and I always walk in there with a poor attitude, keep my head down and get in and out as fast as possible.
     Tonight, I made up my mind that there was no way out of it so I may as well try to make it as pleasant as possible.  I pasted a smile on my face and walked through the door with a positive attitude.  I have shopped at the same grocery store for five years and have never paid attention to the staff.  I walked right up to the bakery counter and politely asked the baker to slice a loaf of bread for me.  He was pleasant and friendly and I noticed his name tag (Gerald) and I began to strike up a conversation with him.  The more I asked, the more animated he became.  He seemed genuinely pleased that a customer had taken the time to notice him and ask about his family and his life and to compliment him on his job
      Next I moved on to the Deli counter where I also had a nice chat with Maylene.  She was lovely to chat with and her whole demeanor changed also once I began to notice her and make pleasant conversation.  I moved through the store and spoke to everyone and gave a big smile and "hello" to every shopper I passed.  People must have thought I was high!  I got tickled at myself when I realized that I was reminding myself of my grandparents and how they had to stop and talk to EVERYONE whenever I took them out.  But you know what, the members of their community loved my grandparents and my grandparents loved them! Now I know why!  I got through the checkout process talking and laughing with Nancy the whole time and a wonderfully friendly Kenny carried my groceries to the car.  I got in my car and thought to myself, "that wasn't bad at all.  I actually didn't mind the shopping tonight!" More importantly, I connected to others and showed them I appreciate what they do.  It was a good feeling!
      "We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop." 
     ~ Mother Teresa 

Day Ten - Choose Wisely

     I received the following message in an email today and I couldn't have found the words to say it better myself...
     "Sometimes we have to choose whether we want to be right, or whether we want to be happy.  Sometimes we have to keep our opinions, issues, grievances and complaints to ourelves in order to love and respect others who are important to us.
     It doesn't make you weak to bite your tongue when the conversation gets heated.  Live your truth, and let others live theirs . . . making a choice to show love and patience instead of proving ourselves right when the issue really doesn't matter more than the person and the relationship does . . . choose your battles wisely.  People we love are always more important than just about anything."
     My husband and I have been married for twenty years.  As do most couples who have been together most of their lives, we tend to bicker about the small, insignificant things.  We love each other passionately and would lay down our lives for one another, but somehow that doesn't matter when he forgets to change the empty toilet paper roll or I have a different opinion than him over how the bougainvillea should be pruned!  We tend to have a battle of wills and sometimes we dig our heels in and refuse to budge just for the sake and satisfaction of being right.  How silly is that?  It took this email I received to make me realize that the choice is to be right or to be happy.  After all, what difference does it make and who is keeping score?  The most important thing to me is that he is happy and knows I love and respect him.  I can't show him that by proving my points every chance I get.
     So today, I gave in to a battle.  I won't say what it was about, but I did know in my heart that I was right. You know what?  It didn't matter.  I conceded easily and the conversation was over as quickly as it had begun.  He looked surprised--I could tell he was geared up for an argument--but I gave in and we were both happy.  It was over and he thought he was right and I knew I was right.  It was a win-win situation!  I'll save my battles for the things that are truly meaningful and life-altering--not on the trivial little things that clog up our relationships!


     “It is not the magnitude of our actions but the amount of love that is put into them that matters.”
     ~ Mother Teresa

Day Nine - Kill them with Kindness

     I spend a lot of time shopping in a local arts & crafts store (a big chain whose name I won't mention).  It's one of my favorite stores, but unfortunately, the manager is a very grumpy lady who has zero customer service skills.  Every time I go in there, I get very frustrated at how rude and abrupt she is--to the customers and to her employees.  She is very confrontational and condescending and I often wonder how she achieved a position as high as store manager.  I know I shouldn't let it bother me, but I have owned several retail businesses myself and the most important part of my business was customer satisfaction.  I really have to bite my tongue when I go in there and if there were another store like it in the area, I would not return to this one.
     Well, with my new found attitude and commitment to being kind, I went into the store today determined to be genuinely nice and to 'kill her with kindness.'  After all, you never can be sure why a person acts the way they do.  Maybe this woman has no joy in her life or has had some unbearable sadness. Maybe she is so used to being grumpy that she has forgotten how to smile.  I was on a mission to find out.  She was at the cash register snapping out orders to her staff and even with a long line, she had only one clerk working the sales desk.  As I walked up, I looked directly at her and asked how she was today.  She turned away and spoke to her employee and completely ignored me.  Not to be defeated, I tried again to make conversation but this time, she told her clerk to take over and walked away and her salesperson gave me an apologetic look. And that was the end of it.  I wasn't successful with my ARK today (or was I?) but I won't give up.  Instead of being angry with this lady now, I actually feel sorry for her.  Maybe she needs some love and kindness in her life to break down the wall she has put up.  I'll keep trying whenever I go back and I'll keep you posted!  But even if it didn't seem like I made an impact on her--I sure felt better about myself today!

     "We must convert our love for Christ into deeds. We must express Christian love in concrete, living ways."
     ~ Mother Teresa

Day Eight - Use Facebook for Something Positive

     How many of you have a 'facebook' page?  I decided to get one a few years back when my kids were younger and I wanted the ability to monitor their online activities and watch for potential predators.  Within a few hours of developing my 'page,' I had many 'friend requests' and was so surprised that people were seeking me out!  I soon realized that facebook was a cyber black hole and was sucking me in deeper and deeper.  I found myself spending hours online catching up with old friends and watching the news feeds to see what everyone is doing.  I also noticed my kids were 'collecting' friends and all of the teenagers were having an unspoken competition to see who had more friends.  I watched my own friend numbers grow and was allowing anyone to 'friend me'--even if I had seen or spoken to them in 30 years!  I think the most bizarre friend request came from a friend of my older brother's who remembered me in junior high school - strange, huh?  It didn't take me long to realize facebook was eating valuable time and also I was uncomfortable with sharing my hour by hour activities during the day.  I was allowing people to violate my own privacy!  After I stepped away from this narcissistic practice for a while, I found I missed some of the people I had been reacquainted with and decide to continue--in moderation!
     So what does my ARK have to do with facebook?  I decided to use this vehicle today to reach out to a person who I was acquaintances with in high school and now am friends with on facebook.  You see, I have dozens and dozens of high school people on my friend's list, but I actually didn't know them well in high school and after thirty years, can't even imagine what we would have in common now.  I thought that was a sad fact.  I shouldn't have been so self-absorbed and shallow in high school--I should have taken the time to really get to know people and I should have stayed in touch with those I cared for.  Today, I decided to pick an obscure friend and post a comment to them remembering something significant and nice about them from school.  I thought it would be difficult, but when I got out my high school yearbook and looked at the pictures and things people had written to me, a lot of very happy memories came flooding in.  It was a nice trip down memory lane, and the person I wrote to on facebook seemed genuinely pleased that I had remembered these nice things about her.  I hope I made her feel good--I know it made me feel good and wish I had paid more attention to her thirty years ago!

     "Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."
     ~ Mother Teresa