Day Fourteen - Where is The Love?

Today I decided to look for love in the unusual and strange places it hides at times.  I'm not talking about the 'butterfly, heart pounding out of your chest, silly gaga' kind of love.  I'm talking about the unexpected and spontaneous love that is innate in all of us {I believe}, even when we think that nobody gives a damn about anyone anymore.  I searched for the unconditional, transcendental love that we are all capable of but seem to forget that we possess the ability.

First, I saw love in church yesterday when a husband reached over and took his crying baby from his wife and quickly walked out of the mass so as not to disturb anyone.  True, you may say that is normal and that is what he should have done, but what I witnessed was something much deeper.  He gently put his hand on her lower back and as she turned to him, the intimate look in his eyes and the devoted smile on his lips said more than words could ever express.  His eyes said, "you are so stressed my darling, let me take the baby so you can pray."  And her lovely glance back at him as she handed over the baby spoke volumes of relief, gratitude and safety in the knowledge that someone had her back.  Again, as I usually do, I felt I had intruded on a very private moment, but I am so glad I saw it.  That was love.

Next, I watched what appeared to be a patient granddaughter helping her elderly grandparents out of the car and into the frozen yogurt shop where I sat enjoying my Sunday afternoon treat!  As most of us know, it takes enormous patience to go through all of the steps necessary to help an elderly person--much like caring for a young baby or toddler.  I watched her as she aided in getting the walker out of the trunk for her grandmother and gave her a gentle boost to get her out of the car safely.  She kindly and graciously listened to her grandfather direct her through the task.  It was apparent that he was hard of hearing and while most of us would be annoyed or embarrassed by the loud discussion--she was the opposite.  Tolerant, unflappable, and gracious.  I had so much admiration for her and it made me long for my own grandparents who both passed away in the last 24 months.  Not once through the whole process did this young woman ever show signs of weariness or distress.  Once in the yogurt shop, she did everything for them as they chose their flavors and toppings and even choosing a seat was a tedious ordeal, but she never lost her smile or gentle tone.  I realized at that moment that this was not a chore for her.  This was unconditional, genuine love for these two people and she was truly happy to do it.  As they enjoyed their yogurt and the beautiful day, I saw love again.

Random act of kindness for someone else?  Not really.  I think I did something kind for myself today.  I made myself remember that people do have goodness and merit and from this day on, that is the truth I will seek from others.

"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love."
~ Mother Teresa 

Day Four - A Smile and a Wave

    I live in a neighborhood where unfortunately, most people keep to themselves.  Although I am in Florida where the climate is conducive to people staying outdoors, it seems that most people live in the back of their houses and never really mingle out front.  It has been challenging meeting our neighbors and I never see a couple of men talking over the hedge or a group of women standing out front chatting while their children play.  It's sad, really.  When I grew up, we were always involved with the people in our neighborhood.  We were in the yard or streets playing kick ball and our parents were constantly outside socializing.  It was community.  It was family.
     Sadly, we live in a time where we have to relentlessly watch our children and the adults are so busy or self-involved that they never have time to take a few minutes to go visit a neighbor.  When we moved in two years ago, I wondered where the "welcome wagon" was or why no one stopped in to introduce themselves.  In fact, the first Halloween we were here, we threw a giant party and sent an invitation to everyone on our street and opened our doors wide to whoever wanted to come in.  It was a lot of fun and we met so many people.  That was a year and a half ago, and yet we still don't see any of them socially!  I spend a lot of time in my garden and whenever I am out in front, I always throw my hand out to wave at a neighbor walking or driving by.  Sometimes I get nothing in return or stranger still, the neighbors will do a double-take to make sure they actually saw someone!  Occasionally, they throw an awkward and meaningless wave back.
     This became a challenge to me.  Why are people so closed-off now?  Where is the sense of friendliness?  About 9 months ago, I started to notice a tiny elderly woman slowly walking by the house on a walker with wheels.  Her steps were labored and she seemed to be in a lot of pain.  I surmised that she had probably broken a hip and was trying to exercise her injuries.  Day after day, she tediously walked by--sometimes several times a day.  I admired her determination and remembered years ago when my grandmother broke her hip and how the doctors told her if she didn't force herself to walk on it, she may never recover.  I know it was extremely painful for her and I imagined my little neighbor felt much the same way.  I always raised my hand to wave or shout out a hello, but she always looked away and didn't respond.  Odd, I know, but the more she didn't respond, the more I tried to make contact.  For months and months I watched her and eventually she was flying by on the walker and soon after that, she was walking on her own!  It made me so happy to see that she was healing and although she was still bent over a little to the side, I admired her strength and perserverence.  I continued to wave, whether I was driving by or just standing out front as she went by, but still no response.  I was frustrated, but I persisted.  Eventually she would acknowledge me with a little nod of the head and I knew I was making progress!
     Today, my determination paid off!  I was pulling out of my driveway as she was approaching and I stopped to let her cross.  Lo and behold, she looked me right in the eye and gave me the biggest grin and an exuberant wave.  I was elated!  She finally returned my gestures of friendship (either that, or she was too tired to fight it anymore)!  Either way, it didn't matter!  She acknowledged me!  Now the question is, did I perform an act of random kindness, or did she?


     "A smile is the light in the window of your face that tells people you're at home."  ~Author Unknown

Day Two - Stop to Really Listen

     Twice weekly, I attend oil painting classes at a lovely little studio in my neighborhood.  I usually go in and set up my little spot and keep to myself.  It is like a retreat for me and I get into my "zone" and disappear into my painting.  Most of the clientele in the studio are retired men and women and I've noticed that they have a strong bond and it seems to be more of a social event for them rather than a technical lesson on oil painting.  Throughout the class time there are many conversations going on around me and these other students usually walk around and admire everyone's work and stop to chat.  I keep my head low and smile when it is appropriate, but I try not to engage anyone else.  I really joined so that I could learn to paint properly and sometimes I find myself annoyed at the interruptions.  After all, this is an indulgent treat in my ordinarily hectic life and I am very protective of these precious hours.
      Today, I realized that I was missing the point.  Sure, I was learning to paint but I definitely wasn't learning much about relating to others.  What a snob I must have seemed to the people around me.  On this day, I forced myself to look up from my work and take stock of those around me.  I have never bothered to get up and compliment anyone else's work.  In fact, I've never done more than just smile politely and look away.  Disgraceful.  I got up and walked around the room today and admired the beautiful artwork around me, but I especially noticed the lovely people for the first time.  I stopped to chat with an elderly woman who comes in every week carrying an oxygen tank with her.  She was painting a portrait of her granddaughter and I mentioned what a beautiful girl she was.  The woman's face lit up and I could see the pride and love she had for her granddaughter and she began to tell me all about her.  I became genuinely interested in everything she had to say as she described her family and how excited she was to be able to travel to her granddaughter's high school graduation and she hoped to finish the portrait in time to present it to her as a gift.  I was reminded of my own grandmother who passed away just a few months ago and how she just loved to visit and to talk.  We chatted for at least 15 minutes and unconsciously, I had performed my ARK (act of random kindness).  In those brief minutes, I had stopped to truly listen to this woman and I could tell she was overjoyed to share.  More importantly, I made a new friend today and learned a valuable lesson.  What good are my art lessons if I can't take a moment to enjoy my surroundings and the people I come into contact with.  Art is all around me, not just on the canvas, but on the faces of those whose paths I cross every day!  At once, I was embraced with the friendship of everyone in that room and not only did they see me through different eyes--I saw all of them for the first time.

     "I want you to be concerned about your next door neighbor. Do you know your next door neighbor? "  ~ Mother Teresa