Life got in the way?
I've been busy?
I forget what my goal was?
My goal was too ambitious?
I never finish anything I start?
Well, yes, all of the above. Especially that last one. That is a hard statement to even read. I did what I usually do and enthusiastically start a project and then never see it to completion. I'm not a procastinator, in fact I am pretty much the opposite. I jump into everything feet first and put those wheels in motion.
And then I get stuck.
Something happens and I find myself paralyzed to move forward.
Those old fears and self-doubt start to creep in.
Am I making a difference?
Is my writing any good?
Does anyone read this?
Does anyone really care?
I do the same thing with my art work and community service and relationships. I doubt my self worth and abilities. I listen to voices that fill my head with lies instead of the one voice of truth I should always follow. Sometimes the whispers become so loud that I can't block them out and then I let myself believe them . . .
You are not worthy.
You are not good enough.
You are invisible.
You are not smart.
You are not important.
STOP IT!!!! STOP THE NOISE!!!! I DON'T BELIEVE YOU!!! STOP SCREAMING IN MY EAR!!!! There is only one voice I need to hear and to listen to . . . it is the soft and soothing voice that is always gently telling me . . .
I see you.
I know you.
You are special.
You were created to love and be loved.
You have a purpose.
You are ENOUGH.
I created you and you are worth dying for.
And one day, you will see yourself the way I see you.
When you come into my Kingdom
where I have prepared a place for you,
You will know the difference you made in other people's lives.
You will know why you walked the earth.
You will know why you lived, why you laughed, why you felt pain
and why you cried.
You will know that your life had purpose and meaning.
One day, you will KNOW I love you.
So I'm not going to give up on this project. I may not be able to blog every day, but I will finish this project. I will complete 365 acts of random kindness. It may take me years, but I choose to listen to the quiet voice of truth instead of the screaming lies that are thrown at me everyday. And for today, well my random act was for myself. Today I was kind to myself.
"Give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness." - Mother Teresa